Today has been fairly good. It hit me like a ton of bricks that Charlie has been gone 16 months and 7 days. Wow! It is weird how the days fly by but I feel like I am living in slow motion. Today I am gonna talk a little about my oldest son, Eric. He is my "freak" child.
He is covered in tattoo, but deep down, he is very sentimental and kind. He too has had a lot of loss in his life, too. When he was in the 8th grade a very good friend, Adam Bradbury, committed suicide. It devastated him. He is one to always be there to help a friend, and he had no idea that this child was being tortured by kids at school. Adam never said a word to him about it. Then his Granny-Granny died, then Charlie, then his Nana, then my mom. He was close to all of these people. I think he is scared to get close to anyone else for fear of loosing them too. That is why he keeps a distance and his feelings in check. It is sad that he isn't even 21 yet and is so guarded. Whatever happened to being young and carefree? It sux for him. So, a little about him. Eric Brian was born July 16, 1990 and was 10 pounds at birth. Large and in charge...lol. He was my pride and joy. Was the cutest, most precious little boy I knew...that's a mom being prejudice. lol. He was head strong from the get go and wouldn't let anyone tell him anything different. Today, he is the same way...I have NO idea where he gets it from...lol. He likes to be independent and not have to ask for anything. He doesn't realize that you can still be strong and still need help. I am hoping one day he will realize that. Anyways, I can't believe that he will be 21 this year. It seems like only yesterday that he was a little boy, playing in the sand at Nana's house. What happened to all that time I thought that I would have with my little boy? He grew up too fast! Now he is out of school, trying to become a tattoo artist and having to be a grown up. I want my baby back!!!!
I can say, that if it were not for my baby, I don't think I would be here today. He made me promise to stay here for him, and I would never think of breaking that promise. To be honest, I was surprised he could read my thought. After Charlie passed, all I could think was what am I gonna do with myself. For the majority of my life, I was Eric and Charlie's mom. Eric no longer lives at home, and Charlie is gone, my mom was dying and all I could think to myself, what is there left for me? But Eric pulled me aside and said "Promise me you won't do anything to yourself." I was floored. I could not believe he could read my mind and know what I was thinking. But I tried to play it off. "I promise I have no intentions to harm myself. I have you to focus on." But it was scary how much of my mind he read. I now realize I have other purposes...to make sure Eric survives this thing we call life. I am grateful I have Eric and am proud to call him my son. He is such a wonderful person. And I pray that people can see past the tattoos and harsh exterior to see the wonderful young man I have for a son.
So there you have it sports fans. My oldest son in a nut shell. Crazy and stubborn like his mother, and unfortunately, he looks like his dad. But I still call him mine!
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