Today has been a long, hard day. I started out good this am...not letting myself look at a calendar...then damn, someone asked my what the date was...how can something so innocent start a downhill spiral? I just sat there. I wanted to cry, but didn't want the world to see that I actually have a heart...and that it is broken, beyond repair. I thank God everyday for Eric, but I still miss my Charlie Brown...as Janet Jackson says..."That's the way love goes." I have decided I don't have a heart. It was shattered the day Charlie died, and I, in all truth and honesty, don't give a flying flip anymore. I am tired of trying to be what everyone else wants me to be...I am just gonna be me...if you don't like it...walk the other way.
I can honestly say that I need a break...from life. I wish I could get on a plane and fly...never looking back, but unfortunately, not going forward. I just keep saying "If only" Well, what about if only...if only I could go back to when Charlie was healthy...if only I could have prevented his pain...if only I could have helped him...if only, if only, if only...I kind of feel like Scrooge...bah humbug...I just don't give a flying rats tail anymore...maybe tomorrow will be a better day...but today...everything has gone to hell in a handbag...so F it....
If only....
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